if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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