Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
