Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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