So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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