They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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