Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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