I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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