I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
