Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize