you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
