Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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