There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
