he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
