UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
