Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Blood and glitter go together right?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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