I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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