I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
