so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
