I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
