apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
my sisters under your porch take her home
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
