She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
