Your face is a jimmy john
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
its not stalking. its research.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Randomize
