you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
