He disabled his match.com account in front of me
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
