My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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