so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I came so hard my ears popped.
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