Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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