You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
