Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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