I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize