you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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