I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
