I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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