I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
