well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
