We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
