i may or may not be watching the land before time
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
