There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I think weed is turning my hair brown
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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