How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
