just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
