i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
