sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
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