i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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