I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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