I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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