i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
