PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
