HIV tests are more positive than that guy
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
