dude i'm inner monologue high
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
