True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
It's never too late to be topless.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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