I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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