After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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