My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
