we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
