Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
