Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
