No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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