Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
