end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I just found puke in my bra..
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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