i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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