Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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