Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize