He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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