from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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