people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
