I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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