I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
