I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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