too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
